Becci Bookner

As you may or may not know, I am a self-professed “Mom in the Middle“.

This has lead me into a lot of interesting Summer party conversations as of late, and I thought it might be timely to share some of what’s been discussed, with you.

When you get over 40, it seems like chatting goes to a much deeper level than when you’re in your 20s, bragging about your newest insights or latest intellectual discoveries. Spirituality, health, outrageous teenager behavior, and aging parents replace topics of romantic conquests, extreme party hopping, and the latest band you saw, for sure.

And so, over a delicious plate of roasted corn and watermelon, the topic of elder care sprang up between a few of us ladies who were lunching recently.

Though I’ll spare you all the details, I will say this: There’s a whole lot of guilt surrounding the topic of what the “right thing” is to do for your aging parent(s).

One woman felt stuck in a no-win situation because her mother refused to stop caring for her father by herself, a man who clearly needs to be moved to assisted living. So, after she works a full 40+ hours and makes sure her husband and children are cared for, she jumps in her car and drives to her parent’s house to help. Exhausted and overwhelmed is better for her than “forcing” her mother to make some tough choices.

Another woman feels a sense of growing panic closing in on her as she realizes her mother is going to need her help in the very near future. She and her mother have never been close, but since her father passed on, she knows she can’t ignore the situation with her mother anymore, and needs to do something, now.

Then there’s me. A 40+ mom with a 3 1/2 year old. Between working and looking for more work, my husband and daughter, and the other activities that fill up my/our day, the thought of being able to give my mother the care giving and attention she deserves when the time comes, weighs a bit heavy on my shoulders.

Sound familiar? All is not as hopeless, though. What ultimately came out of the conversation were some great resources and information that we all can use to turn challenges into triumphs.

I shared about the necessity of having a Put it In Writing for each aging family member and a Family Staffing Solutions care plan, as well as the importance of building a community like we are doing with our blog here (and Facebook and Twitter). I also recommended The Daughter Trap as excellent reading for personal support and transitioning into your level of care giving.

Another solution I put out there is that if there isn’t a Family Staffing Solutions office in your aging parent’s home town, you might want to look into opening your own.

The point is, no matter what your situation might be, the best thing you can do to release stress and guilt around caring for your aging parents is to plan ahead.

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