This has lead me into a lot of interesting Summer party conversations as of late, and I thought it might be timely to share some of what’s been discussed, with you.

When you get over 40, it seems like chatting goes to a much deeper level than when you’re in your 20s, bragging about your newest insights or latest intellectual discoveries. Spirituality, health, outrageous teenager behavior, and aging parents replace topics of romantic conquests, extreme party hopping, and the latest band you saw, for sure.

And so, over a delicious plate of roasted corn and watermelon, the topic of elder care sprang up between a few of us ladies who were lunching recently.

Though I’ll spare you all the details, I will say this: There’s a whole lot of guilt surrounding the topic of what the “right thing” is to do for your aging parent(s).

One woman felt stuck in a no-win situation because her mother refused to stop caring for her father by herself, a man who clearly needs to be moved to assisted living. So, after she works a full 40+ hours and makes sure her husband and children are cared for, she jumps in her car and drives to her parent’s house to help. Exhausted and overwhelmed is better for her than “forcing” her mother to make some tough choices.

Another woman feels a sense of growing panic closing in on her as she realizes her mother is going to need her help in the very near future. She and her mother have never been close, but since her father passed on, she knows she can’t ignore the situation with her mother anymore, and needs to do something, now.

Then there’s me. A 40+ mom with a 3 1/2 year old. Between working and looking for more work, my husband and daughter, and the other activities that fill up my/our day, the thought of being able to give my mother the care giving and attention she deserves when the time comes, weighs a bit heavy on my shoulders.

Sound familiar? All is not as hopeless, though. What ultimately came out of the conversation were some great resources and information that we all can use to turn challenges into triumphs.

I shared about the necessity of having a Put it In Writing for each aging family member and a Family Staffing Solutions care plan, as well as the importance of building a community like we are doing with our blog here (and Facebook and Twitter). I also recommended The Daughter Trap as excellent reading for personal support and transitioning into your level of care giving.

Another solution I put out there is that if there isn’t a Family Staffing Solutions office in your aging parent’s home town, you might want to look into opening your own.

The point is, no matter what your situation might be, the best thing you can do to release stress and guilt around caring for your aging parents is to plan ahead.

They invited me to speak to them about Family Staffing and how we can help families decide when the right time is to have those difficult conversations such as: “Where should my mother and father live now that I have moved out of state?” and “I can’t cook because my kitchen is not suited to my needs,” As I told my Rotary friends, I am often asked, “ Is it safe for Mom or Dad to stay in their home?”

Many different groups are addressing these questions.  72% of all adults over 60 own their own homes so it is important that we find a way to help them stay there. The National Association of Homebuilders is even finding ways to help. They have a training program set up to address the needs of older homeowners. In group classes,  they teach contractors how to audit a home for potential issues concerning safety;  Where to place  handrails, how to build ramps and how to create a workable special-needs kitchen.  The National Institute on Aging and the National Institute of Health have free literature they can send you that helps understand the aging processes, health conditions, nutrition, and etc.

One important question we are always asked is,  “Dad had a fall and I’m worried about him, can he stay in his home?” I am happy to give them a resounding,” Yes!”  With the right care providers, your loved ones can remain in their home as long as they want. A recent poll by AARP stated that 83% of seniors they interviewed stated emphatically that they wanted to remain in their home until their death.

The most important thing is that this allows our loved ones to remain in the driver’s seat, independent and making their own decisions. Don’t we want that for them?

Family Staffing Solutions has more than a decade of experience in helping people stay independent, in charge and in their own home.

I loved sharing that with the Rotarians. Their ideals are mine.

Think about it and give us a call.

Love,

Nancy

Though the answer may seem as simple as, “Just move them closer to where you live”, that’s not always in the best interest of you or your parent(s).

For aging parents who are attached to their home and/or active in their community with a group of friends they would not be interested in leaving, the thought of relocating can be stressful, which may have a negative impact on their overall health and well being.

So, in the interest of everyone’s comfort, here are some ideas to help ensure your aging parents are being looked after when you aren’t able to be there.

• Work with your parent(s), during your next family visit, on a home modification and safety checklist. Retrofitting a home and adding new security technology can make a big difference in their personal safety as well as expand the opportunity for parents to remain in their current home.

• Check in with “next door neighbors” that are also good friends. Include them in the safety net you are building. One favorite story I once heard is how two older neighbors, who each lived alone, used their kitchen lights and window shades as a way to let each other know every morning that everything was fine. If the light was off and the shade still down, someone needed help.

• Create a special place, with your parent(s), for important “stuff”: emergency phone numbers, family member phone numbers, doctors names and numbers, location of wills, etc. Keep a copy of this list for yourself. At Family Staffing Solutions, we have created a Put It In Writing organizer for just this purpose. It’s available in our bookstore and is an amazing collection of 400 exercises that consolidate everything from family history and heirlooms to personal business documents to make sure everything is handled the way your aging parent(s) want them to be.

• Include a new person in the partnership plan with your parent(s). If they are located in one of Family Staffing Solution’s cities, call our office to arrange a caregiver introduction. If there isn’t a Family Staffing Solutions office in their area, call us toll-free at 1-866-383-5670 and we would be delighted to assist you in finding high-quality services or companies available in your parent(s) community.

• Consider opening your own Family Staffing Solutions office. Our franchise availability and training have empowered many communities to provide excellent in-home elder care to loved ones across the United States. Just call us toll-free at 1-866-383-5670 and we’ll be happy to speak with you about this incredible opportunity to enhance your community.

I hope you’ve found this information helpful and invite you to pass it along to your friends. Remember, if you have a question about elder care or just need advice or someone to listen, all you have to do is Ask Becci!